What happens when you let others define success for you
What happens when you let others define success for you
Ahhh, this is going to be a very vulnerable post (because I talk about being fired for the first time to ANYONE besides the 5 closest people to me...here it goes! <3For a long time I let my version of success be defined by other people. I think most of us do, it's almost a part of being human - we care what other people think of us, we want to be liked, and we want to fit in. So we often define our version of success or a happy life based on what other people think success or happiness means so we can fit in and be liked.It wasn't until I got sick that I stopped and paused long enough to realize this was even happening. For most of my 20's, I thought success to me meant climbing the corporate ladder, earning 6 figures for a company that was "cool" or highly respected.After college I worked hard to find a job that I could wear as a badge of honor. I was praying I wouldn't get one at a company no one had heard of doing work no one would see - the horror! I guess fortunately for my ego at the time I landed a job at a well known advertising agency working on one of the most well known & cool brands in the world."Cool!" I thought, "Now anyone who looks at my LinkedIn page will think I'm awesome!" LOL, or something along those lines.I'm pretty sure NO ONE thought that when they found out I (sort of) worked for this big name brand. In fact, I'm positive no one thought that. Truthfully, no one cares where you work and no one thinks you're cooler or any better of a person because of that either. Even though it feels that way. Trust me, I know the feeling.But when I got fired from that job (more on that in a bit) and started working at my next job at a place no one had heard of, nothing changed. Well that's not true, I learned a lot from being fired, but like I said, more on that in a minute. When I mean nothing changed I mean the fact that I had gone from working for this cool brand to company "unknown" didn't affect any of my relationships. I didn't become less cool. I didn't become any less of a person because of it...
I started to realize that I liked working at smaller companies. I had more independence, my work was noticed more, I had more flexibility in my schedule and the type of work I did. My version of success started to shift.I'm telling you all of this because so many of us spend our lives striving for a version of success that isn't true to what we really want. It isn't the version of success that will fulfill us or make us happiest. It's the version of success we learn from parents, friends, teachers, peers, the media, all of that. And this in itself will leave us unfulfilled and feeling stuck without really knowing why because we THINK we're going after what we want.Related Post: What Happens When You Spend Time AloneAt the time I was fired from my first job it pretty much felt like the worst thing that could've ever happened to me. Looking back, it was probably the best thing that could've ever happened to me. It put me closer to the path I was meant to be on.I was a phenomenal employee, quick to be promoted, that is, until I met my boyfriend and fell in love.Then my priorities changed.I valued my relationship more than I valued staying late at work and working weekends. I cared more about being home in time for dinner than eating every dinner with coworkers stuck in an editing bay all night. I wanted more freedom and more flexibility with my time than my job could offer. I started to put myself first instead of my job and that just didn’t fit with the company culture. I started sticking out like a sore thumb in all the wrong ways.And what's crazy is I was pretty much shamed for this - not only by co-workers but our society as a whole. This whole putting yourself first thing is just not what we do in mainstream society! It's just not ok. You need to put your company and job first before your own health, your mental state, your relationships - right? That's often what it feels like when working a corporate job. Not all companies are like this I'm sure, but the vast majority are.At the time I felt so much guilt and shame when I got fired. I knew I was a hard worker, smart and ambitious and yet I had failed. Turns out I just value different things than traditional companies value.Slowly I started realizing that this version of success that I was trying to live up to might not be exactly right for me.Growing up, I always had an entrepreneurial spirit. I sold leftover Halloween candy on my street, I started a lemonade stand, I sold random things online, in college I even sold stainless steel water bottles when those were becoming a thing. But I never seriously considered being an entrepreneur...I toyed with the idea, I took a class in college about entrepreneurship, but I had a story in my head that I kept telling myself that always stopped me.That story was "It's too hard, it's too risky. You're going to fail. And then people will judge you. And then you'll probably die of humiliation."So I stuck with what I felt was easier, safe, something I thought I couldn't fail at - a regular 9-5 job, where people wouldn't judge me and I wouldn't die of humiliation.Don't let the negative self-talk get in the way of you living your best life! Download my free Soul-Aligned Confident Queen Handbook to help you connect with your soul self and live life on your terms!