Forget Saying NO! Why You Should Say YES More

Happy Friday my loves!

Normally, I write pretty extensive posts because I like to provide you with as much value as possible. But today I’m going to keep it short and sweet.

Everyone is obsessed with saying NO more right now. It’s sort of like a trending self-love buzz word. The concept behind it is simple: say no to the things that you don’t want to do. Some people, like Jess McCallum, over at Confident Life, have even started keeping an “Absolute NO List” which I actually quite like because it really helps you figure out the things you don’t want to do in advance – so before you’re even presented with a situation where you’d have to say no or yes, you already have your answer, no going back!

But as important as saying NO might be, I think it’s just as important to for us to start saying “YES” more. And I don’t mean being the “Yes, man” who says yes to everything because he’s afraid of having regrets and not living enough. I’m talking about saying YES more to YOU. Give yourself permission to do things that you might be iffy about. Give yourself permission to spend money on yourself without feeling guilty. Give yourself permission to be selfish. Say YES more to yourself because you deserve it. 

how to say no, just say no, say no more, saying no

We’re taught to believe that being selfish is a bad thing. I don’t want you to think I’m promoting being selfish – yes, still share the last cookie with your friend, still donate to charity, yadda yadda yadda, but it’s OK to be selfish too when it comes to your mental, physical and spiritual health. Sometimes you need to put YOU first. Scratch that – you always need to put yourself first.

Not at the expense of someone else getting hurt in the process, but your health and happiness should come first because it’s your life. If you’re not happy in it, who are you living it for – and why? If you’re not happy, your relationships will suffer too. So if you think putting your partner’s or children’s happiness before yours is the best for them, think again.

I was talking to my mom the other day about how her life has been constantly about other people. For almost 30 years now (YIKES) she has been so focused on her kids and wife (yes, I have 2 amazing lesbian moms if you haven’t heard yet!) and making sure that we all had everything we wanted that she was always saying NO to herself and YES to us. Now that she’s finally been retired for 3 years, she is just now learning how to say YES more to herself.

It took her 3 years of retirement to get to this place because she still felt guilty for doing or spending extra time or money on her. She deserves to put herself first. She deserves to spend money on an pricey gym membership (go mom!). She deserves to take 3 vacations a year. She deserves to take a nap at 4pm in the afternoon. She has always deserved this things, but I’m glad she’s finally giving herself permission to say YES to them.

You deserve it too. What things are you wanting to do for yourself but you just can’t quite bring yourself to do because you feel guilty or pressure not to? Giving yourself a day to go to the spa to just unplug and relax? Getting a massage? Going back to school? A girls night out? A weekend away? Hiring a life coach? A wellness retreat? When you want to do something but feel guilty or embarrassed, DO IT ANYWAY. Those feelings of guilt or shame are coming from what you think other people will think. Screw those people. If it will make you happy, DO IT.

Maybe it’s time to make a “Absolute YES List” for yourself.

I will take time to meditate every morning
I will take time to eat my breakfast slowly and enjoy it
I will leave work early for a happy hour with friends
I will get a massage when I need one
I will sleep in this weekend when I need extra ZZZ’s
I will pay for a personal trainer because my health is #1
and so on and so forth…

What do you think? Start making a YES list for yourself and let me know the top 2 things on your list in the comments! I’m eager to hear what you’re going to give yourself permission to do! <3


P.S. I think I might do more of these type of posts, just quick thoughts as they come up that I want to share with you. Maybe I’ll do them in video form soon. Could be fun! I guess that means I’d have to change out of my pajamas since I usually write in my pj’s – I like to be super comfy when I write. Can you blame me? 😉

Want to get aligned with your soul self and start living your best life, full of passion and purpose? Download my free Soul-Aligned, Confident Queen Handbook below!
Click here to subscribe



  1. I love the idea of this! In my mind, you should say yes to everything, until you have enough yes’s on your plate to say no. It’s all about finding a balance to not stress yourself out!

    xx, Pia

    • Ali Reply

      That’s an interesting perspective, Pia! Thanks for sharing. I think it’s a good idea too because we don’t know if we like or don’t like something until we try it. So say YES as much as you can until you feel it’s time to pull back to make sure you still have enough time for yourself and what you’ve found you like doing.

Write A Comment